So many people want to perpetuate these antiquated types of dichotomies. You are either one or the other. You cannot be imaginative or creative or differ from the mean. They think they are being supportive when they say they are 'cool with gays', but bisexuality is "not a thing". It's as if the 'Big Straightie' says: "We already allowed you to differ by identifying as gay, after you cried about it for a hundred years. Isn't that enough? If you are not straight, you are gay. That's it. You may only be biologically, physiologically, and psychologically attracted to one gender, of which there are only two. After all, all of that is in your control, right?"
The denial of bisexuality is by no means a new argument. Gay and straight people alike condemn bisexuality to transparency, often contributing it to the silliness of young promiscuous people. Many say it is a transition, allowing a liminal passage from being straight to being gay. Even if that is true, that doesn't mean it is not real. Adolescence is a transition from childhood to adulthood. Does that mean it is not real? To a bisexual person, bisexuality is a reality. It is their sexual orientation, their sexual identity, a part of who they are. Now, the ideal of bisexuality is a perfect blend of romantic and physical attraction to both sexes. This is just another result of the dichotic bonds mainstream society has placed upon us. In reality, a mix of sexual orientation and romantic preferences exist in the bisexual or 'biromantic' person where one sex/gender is preferred over the others in different areas of human existence. And why shouldn't it be that way? Sexuality and gender are, in fact, fluid. Monosexism is simply a social construct which is, thankfully, currently being challenged by growing counter-cultural movements.
It would surprise many, as 'gay' as I am, that I would kiss a woman I like and think is attractive. But, that's where it ends. I don't need to go into detail why or describe the exact composition of my attractions, amorous feelings, and desires. I am 'into men' through and through (one man in particular).
There was a period in my adolescence where I was attracted to girls and thought that's who I wanted to be with, until I came of age and came out to myself. Then, all traces of desire for women vanished. If I tell people this, it may confuse them and could lead them to the conclusion that I was straight and thus can be straight once again. Just because I went from a straight orientation to a gay orientation does not mean that the process could be reversed.
Take the frog. The frog is first a tadpole. Tadpoles turn into frogs, but frogs cannot turn back into tadpoles. And yes, I personally regard my adolescent heterosexuality as a stage I went through to reach my full 'frogginess'. In my opinion, I was destined for exclusive homosexuality. Although, wouldn't it be lovely if I never got into the habit of looking at things in such concrete terms? Then, I would have never come up with this awful metaphor.
I passed through heteroflexibility and bisexuality as well. That does not mean that all people who identify as gay may not at one point identify as bi, straight, or otherwise. It definitely does not mean that bisexual people eventually give up their bisexuality to conform to one of the two neat, pre-constructed packages laid out for them. And I won't even get into what it means for pansexual/transgender people, because then my whole frog metaphor completely falls apart. In a way, I soiled the purity of bisexuality by using it to avoid what I, at the time, considered the unspeakable alternative (thanks to the messages I was being fed- not just from conservative Christians).
'Queer' is a term reclaimed by the non-heterosexual community to mean any non-heterosexual orientation or non-cisgender identification. Cisgender is the rigid dichotomy of the male and female genders, to which transgender is the complement. Pansexual is another term meant to transcend the dualistic boundaries of gay/straight. The rallying cry of pansexual love is "it's about hearts, not parts". Queerness and pansexuality are solid nouns that can be used to describe the subcultural social movements that seek to escape the prisons of 'either/or' gender and sexual orientation systems.
I personally identify as entirely male in both sex and (almost entirely) in gender and exclusively homosexual in my desires. However, it is easy for me to see a full spectrum of sexuality and gender which we are usually not permitted to explore: a rainbow, if you will. A rainbow we should be proud to immerse ourselves in.
Oh, and don't even get me started on asexuality...
I don't think it is my 'gayness', or at least not just that, which allows me to see a transcendence of rigid gender norms and dichotic sexual identity systems. It could be my other qualities, perhaps of being able to see the bigger picture or looking at things from many sides. Some say it is simply blurring the lines. However, the lines were never really there to begin with. The lines are socially constructed illusions that no longer serve us.
In conclusion, I am at times just as guilty of homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia as everyone else. I can be racist and sexist as well. However, I view these attitudes and opinions as shortcomings to be exorcised in my continual quest for enlightenment. They are diseases to be treated with acceptance, appreciation, and love. I continue to grow. Even though, I am still guilty of these dysfunctions, I recognize certain facts and truths, such as I have shared in this post. If we are to be a compassionate and harmonious society, we must acknowledge and fully accept people in all of their established diversity.
